helplessly hoping

I want to share a little something. Do you have a favourite song? One that has been with you for your lifetime... not just one that you fell in love with recently. I mean one that has been your companion forever. I do, and it is one that I have listened to since I was a child. I was one of those lucky kids in the sixties who had parents that were responsible and loving...and were hippies. Music was a huge part of my childhood. My mom and dad used to drag my brother and I along to all sorts of concerts and midnight record album releases. I grew up with Joplin, Hendrix, Joni, John, Paul, Ringo and George, Leon Russell, Jethro Tull, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane, The Moody Blues, CSNY, and many more. They are the soundtrack of my childhood, and my life. And it is my belief that we will never have another time like the sixties when it comes to music. I still make cd mixes of those artists and more, and I listen to them daily. And one song that is ALWAYS always on those mixes is my very favourite. Helplessly Hoping by CSNY.

First of all... the lyrics. In my mind, one of the greatest poems ever written. Stephen Stills wrote these elegant, evocative, ever relevent lyrics. The alliteration he employed gives me goosebumps. The vocabulary is so full of mystery and the meaning of these words has changed for me many times.

Helplessly hoping
Her harlequin hovers nearby
Awaiting a word
Gasping at glimpses
Of gentle true spirit
He runs, wishing he could fly
Only to trip at the sound of good-bye

Wordlessly watching
He waits by the window
And wonders
At the empty place inside
Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams
He worries
Did he hear a good-bye? Or even hello?

They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are for each other

Stand by the stairway
You'll see something
Certain to tell you confusion has its cost
Love isn't lying
It's loose in a lady who lingers
Saying she is lost
And choking on hello

They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are for each other


For one entire school year my son and I would listen to this single song on the way to school every morning. Our game was to harmonize our voices into the spaces between the four of theirs. Some days we were so spot on we gave OURSELVES goosebumps...other days we had some good laughs at our failures, and just let the song give us the shivers. These four men had a remarkable gift of harmony in voice. Sometimes there were so in tune with one another that they sing with one voice of many chords. It is remarkable.

I should mention that today was my lucky day, and you know, I really needed it. It is raining, raining and the nursery is well staffed enough for a day like today. With the amount of business they will do it is okay to not have to  pay me...so I stayed home. Boy is it nice. I spent some time listening to any version of this song I could find on YouTube. My husband  heard the music coming from my laptop and came in to join me and he and I spent almost an hour going from one video to the next, sort of a virtual concert of music memories. You could spend hours doing this! And you know what...today I have hours. Helplessly Hoping led to Suite Judy Blue Eyes (another favourite) which led to footage of Down by the River at Woodstock, which led to Jefferson Airplane performing White Rabbit, which led to Hendrix performing Little Wing at Woodstock, which led to Stevie Ray playing Little Wing in Austin, which led to more and more and more...I think we ended up with The Beatles performing Blackbird. Anyhow...I'll start you off with this one, and you take it from there... I would love to know where you end up. It is a kind of cheesy video, and Neil Young is missing... and for some reason they put the words on the screen... but the only version I could find with Neil was a really crappy copy of footage. Very muffled and dark. But oh I love this song.

When I listen to it now it can make me cry. It has come to have a very clear meaning to me, and there have been times when the words have been very elusive. Not anymore. Every single word has meaning. I heard once that Stills was simply playing with alliteration and dedicated this song to his high school English teacher... I just can't accept that. And if it's true... well, then he wrote the perfect song for me. But it's not just the lyrics, it's the melody, and the gorgeous and bright guitar, the harmony of four becoming one. I will never tire of hearing this song everyday. It actually is the song that wakes me up every morning on my alarm. :-)

Last night I found out that Crosby and Nash will be performing here in Buffalo at the end of October. I'm getting tickets. Of course, I am one of those that will never be satisfied without Stills and Young along...but I'll just have to get over it. I just need to find someone to go along with me. Not many of my friends are as crazy about music, or especially that time period of music, as I am. But we'll see. I want to go with someone who will love it. I have heard clips of their latest tour and they sound sound wonderful, still. And then I find something like THIS, and I fall in love again and realize that even two of them together is more than enough...Guinnevere is also one of my favourites from childhood. It's just gorgeous and silky and lazy and lyrical and makes me want to lie in the tall grass and watch butterflies. :-)

For now I am going to nest in by the fire and listen some more...

Let me know what your song is...your soundtrack... and if you have the chance to play on youtube, let me know where you end up :-)

be well...and never choke on hello.

Love, me

psss...ohhhh one more... and then this ONE...so incredible.

Comments

[Cindy]

Oooohhh, I'd love to live your childhood for a day...or at least a midnight release ;-).
There is a memory that stays with me...spending summers near Port Jervis NY in a very quiet little grove at the foot of a mountain where the Neversink River flowed through...walking through there and hearing through the trees the Moody Blues just blasting out into the airwaves! I loved it, and wondered who those people were who were playing that and what life might be like in their midst!

I love CSNY, too...you really need to get another full-time musician in your house :-) (one of my dreams, as well). I've collected all kinds of instruments, and George has played a bit on some of them, but no one ever picked it up as I was hoping...there's still time ;-)

[misty]

I grew up with music always on, my parents had a great love for music, with a wide range of tastes...I LOVE that. my mom would sing along to her favorite songs that would later become my favorite songs. they had eight tracks and records...and lately I am on the lookout for a record player of my own. music is so much a part of my life...it surfaces so many memories.
in high school my favorite CSN song was Cathedral...My German exchange friend, Henrick made me a mixed cassette with some wonderful songs, but that was the song I would rewind over and over again...I loved it. so from your post...I somehow found myself listening to I'll be your mirror, Velvet Underground...ahhh, and then to Jane's Addiction...Jane says... bringing up so many old memories. xo

[PixieDust]

Music has always been such a huge part of my life. I do break into song (and dance) as if I'm in a musical... strange, yo se, I know but that is what I do. My range varies with my mood, Elvis, Skid Row, Mozart, Alanis Morriset, folk music, rancheras, but if I had to choose one song that has always been with me everywhere it would probably be "Las Mananitas".

:-)

[daisies]

if i go back to my childhood and the loves of my impressionable mind, i have to say that i was a janis joplin girl all the way and even when my son was a baby, it would soothe him so i passed that along to him :) and of course cream (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI8SUc2SV4k) which led me to the who and led zeppelin : ) oh man, i want to youtube surf now ... tee hee

[Aparajitaa]

Its strange. I was googling away and helplessly hoping was playing on my laptop. And just like that, I decided to google the meaning of the lyrics. And came upon your blog. This song has been a favourite for the longest time, since i was a little girl.

Your visualisation of Guinevere fits into mine perfectly.

Two other songs that move me are Johnny's Garden and Ohio - am unable to articulate the emotions they invoke - but those emotions involve goosebumps :)

Cheers - Aparajitaa

[Don]

just sharing in your background and your taste in music. being a child of the 60's/70's I too grew up a huge CSNY fan with Stills being my favorite and the one guitar player that I tried hardest to imitate. With musical parents and siblings and cousins, deciphering harmony lines was an unwritten rule. To this day my sisters and I can play and sing dozens of CSN songs "spot-on" despite only getting to see each other at Christmas time to do so. Now my kids also know the songs and can fill in the correct vocal lines. Helplessly Hoping is possibly my alltime favorite song (so hard to pick just one tho) and it's the title of my blog. I am stunned at the number of hits I've gotten from people all over the world looking for the meaning of the lyrics. I guess you can't hold a good song down, and great songs are timeless.
Peace, brother

http://dblauss.blogspot.com/2008/03/more-site-meter-fun-or-helplessly.html

[john]

I'm listneing to it now...
My mother passed away unexpectedly, insomuch as she was the type to shovel her own snow, cut her own grass, etcetera, and on a large corner lot, certainly all of us eventually pass ;). I realize the gifts that have been woven into my consciousness including songs like these that I love from her introduction, as she played them in our home growing up.

PS: I beleive your difficulty in finding a version including Y is because it is and was only a CSN song and Y came later and was permitted to share in its singing just like you and your son.

I'm just curious what are you doing as your life work, as I imagine some universal beneficial contribution to our globe would not be outside your perview.

[email protected]

[Gary Greenwood]

He may have dedicated to song to her, but it was not written about her. actually he never wrote a word of this song, even though his name is on it. the song was originally written by joey (Gold Hill) Richards & Gary Greenwood -(myself). Joey sold the song to Steven Stills, his former roommate, prior to me. that's the only reason Steven's name is on it. Joey forgot to add my name to it, it was not done out of malice. he was just so excited about the song we had just finished, that he rushed over to our friends house (Judy Mahan)& played it for her. Steven was just at her house visiting her. he loved it and wanted to record it on the album they were working on. It was written about Joey's unrequited love for Miss Christine Frika.

[Ryan Churchward]

Great post. I grew up in the 90's but a friend of mine got me hooked on CSNY. I really fell in love with the "So Far" and "Deja Vu" albums. Helplessly Hoping was always a favorite of mine but really struck home when my wife and I, pregnant with our third child, found out we had lost the baby about 8 weeks in. I couldn't stop listening to the song. I can't even say I know what the lyrics mean but deep down it related to me. I'm not normally an emotional person but if I was to put my feelings into words, I feel it'd be this verse:
"Wordlessly watching
He waits by the window
And wonders
At the empty place inside
Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams
He worries
Did he hear a good-bye? Or even hello?"

[Johnny]

I have been fascinated by this song since I first heard it, and like you the meaning was elusive but not at all now. This poem perfectly describes how I feel at this exact moment, and at other moments in my life. It is so cathartic to play and sing and listen to this song. Many people do not understand this aspect of music. I am a musician and there are certain songs that will just never go away. This has to be one of them. And, although I am very eclectic, I cannot say that about very many songs. And as I type I realize that what I just wrote is untrue lol. "Blue Sky" by the Allmann Brothers, "The Losing End" by Neil Young, anything on Fleetwood Mac "Rumors" album lol, almost anything Beatles, these songs will always be with me...I am a born again Christian so there are songs in the Contemporary Christian genre that will remain with me also...but these songs I grew up with...I have a song for every year of my life...and probably a song to describe most of my feelings. It was nice to see I am not alone. Thank you. As a guitar player, I must say "blue Sky" changed...everything...when I first heard it, it inspired me because I knew that someday I HAD to play the guitar parts. But when I was young, the words and music fit together perfectly, and sometimes I must catch myself and forget about it musically and just...listen. I did learn it BTW lol, several times. I will now say that there are too many songs to list that will always be with me, I must re-catagorize some songs as ...extremely special. "Helplessly Hoping" just jumped back into my life because..what else..a broken heart. Just the Words "Helplessly Hoping" rang true to my experience..and as I have listened over and over just lately, by many cover bands and the original artist, they ring true again. And it makes it.... not so bad. The beauty of music. Expression, healing, so many things...

[mark lester]

You may enjoy the acapella group Home Free rendition of this tune. https://youtu.be/kQt9jKDCqHo