Subscribe

Enjoy a Sample Issue

Become a Fan

« smiles | Main | your mileage may vary »

Saturday, 07 February 2009

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

sylvia hartman

Kateri,

I just read your post and want you too know that from what I remember about you you are beautiful in every way.

I know the feeling of sometimes a man can take away who we are and we can never measure up to their expectation but; truely who cares they are only men.

When I was young in Lugano I had a boyfriend who was always very abusive about the way I looked. I was so ashamed about having big breast that I would not let him see me naked in light. When I meet my husband I was still ashamed and did the same thing but; then I realized he didn't care.

Anyway the whole point of my comment is no matter what. I know in my heart you are going to be just as beautiful as when you went into it.

alix

I know whatever you choose will be right and you just may have to really grapple with it and question yourself to arrive at that most liberated decision. Breast or no breast, you are and will always be the most sensual, sexy, beautiful woman!

P.S. I would design your tattoo for you!

katie

dear kateri,
the questioning and searching you are doing go so deep into "the who" of who you are, and i believe that any experience, crisis or bliss, that takes us on that journey is an amazing gift to receive. the grappling with the issues of femininity, humanity, love, sexuality... probing the "I" to find out what its really made of, what can we lose and remain 'intact'? and does the real "I" need any body parts or even body to feel complete? these questions you are asking tug at my heart too, even though i'm thankfully not losing my breast. i am though acutely aware of my own physical losses as i age, little griefs that can erode my perception of who i think i am. approaching menopause has been big that way, a total surprise to me as i was quite ready to give up those hard menstrual periods and migraines i've suffered through for years, but it has affected me deeply. i'm losing a part of my femininity, the mother-earth-abundance-of-creation part that birthed children, that accompanied those phases. those have now ceased to be. i'm left changed and grieving the part that is lost, and probing deeper into the part that is left, wondering am i still whole now or am i a faded reflection of who i was? deep down i know I am still the same, the the part of me that is universal and unchanging isn't touched by what happens in this body, but the body certainly makes it feel quite believeable, that "I" amd "it". questioning is what we do, what carries us along and through this human adventure, those of us who are here for the journey, embodying this incarnation with all it's ups and its most certain downs.

one thing i feel very sure of - i know you'll come out of this more whole than ever, breast missing or not, breast replacement or not. i am inspired by you, your courage, your openness, your tenderness, and your endless questioning. you are amazing my frend...
much love and a big hug,
xoxoxox

nancyk

oh i was going to look for a photo that i have seen that was a magnificent tattoo over the scar from a mastectomy but i don't have to, you already have one.
i find that photo so powerful.
this is such a hard decision. i know what i would do, but then i don't because it hasn't happened to me.
and then my thoughts go to your wonderful daughter and am wondering how all this is affecting her, knowing that she is probably keeping her strong side out.
my thoughts and prayers are with you along with all the light you need to make your way.

Linni

You do what you have to do for YOU...
Speechless...a word that comes up for me right now...

friend....
by your side....
wish I could physically be there...
to make you giggle* :-)

or wipe a tear...
to rage with you...(teehee...sometimes quite funny)

or just sit...

but to be there for you...
with you...

just closing my eyes...hearing the wind softly moving through the trees...sending my love on the wind filled with softness...courage...laughter...

brave heart Sweetie - you already are!

Big hug,
Linni xx

Stephanie

Kateri~
Once in awhile, mostly during the day when i have a still moment amidst the chaos of my life, I reconnect to our joyous and laughter-filled friendship and quietly hold a space for you in my heart. Your thoughts here are like lighting a candle and watching the flame grow from tiny spark to tall and bright, reaching for the darkness around it. You are much like that flame, ever-reaching into the darkness to illuminate as much as you can. When you need a shoulder or a sounding board, I'm just a phone call or email and 20 minutes away.
xo-steph

carmen

I love your writing, your art! your honesty.
anything you write always always resonates with me and i thank you for your gift and the peace i feel after reading you.
you make a big difference, you do!
today i am thinking of you even more.
please know that you are certainly loved by me and many more in this internet world.
big hug.

Relyn

Kateri,

I've been away for a bit, but I wanted to write as soon as I read your words tonight. I don't know if the story I share will help. I don't know if words ever really help. Still, I share them in the hopes that they will provide comfort, hope, help you to feel peaceful.

My mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer 18 1/2 years ago. She had a mastectomy and several lymph nodes removed from under her left arm. She did not choose reconstruction. The risks were greater then, but I think she would chose the same way today. In the end, the breast is just a breast and she had a man who adored her. She choose quicker healing and a faster return to her "usual" life. I don't think there is ever a wrong choice to make in a situation like this. And, I do think the right choice is different for each individual. What I really wanted to say was that this Thanksgiving we will celebrate 19 years of being cancer free. We thank God for Grandma Ethel, our years with her, and her years of happily ever after with the man she loves. We thank God every single day.

I wish the same for you.

robin'seggblue

hi,
i have just stumbled across your blog by happenstance and find your writing to be thought provoking and insightful. thank you for writing such honest and deeply soul baring responses to the challenges and joys that you have faced in life. i too am searching for solace in a world that seems so beautiful and yet so confounding at the same time. i wish you much love and healing at this juncture in your life. be well......

ps. can i please quote your writing for my own journal/personal use?

The comments to this entry are closed.